Father's Day

Today would be my dad's 73rd birthday.  It makes me want to say something about him.

My dad drove a truck for a living.

So on to other things.

The thing is, I never knew my dad.  I've got bits and pieces of memories but I'm not sure that's really what a father is suppose to be.  I remember being real young and getting excited when he came home from being on the road for weeks.  For a few years in high school I lived with him and my step-mom.  That being said, my dad was still a truck driver so really I just lived with my step-mom.  I can remember living with him and us both being home when the Challenger blew up.  I remember when we would see him on the weekends when I was younger that I would watch football games and then run into the kitchen to tell him when something happened.

I know that my dad cared for me.  But for most of my life it felt like "keep the kids in the other room, us adults are doing stuff".  Even when I was an adult I didn't know how to deal with him.  I felt like I was overstepping my boundaries even though I was an adult.

There is so much stuff about my relationship with my dad that scares me when dealing with my son.  I don't ever want to feel like a stranger in his life like my dad was in mine.  I don't want my son to feel like he's in a different class of people from me.  I want my son to know that when he needs to talk to me, when he needs a friend, I can be there.

I say the same thing all the time and it makes me feel guilty.  But the fact of the matter is that it is true.  Everything I know about being a father I learned from my dad.  I learned what not to do.